January 2014- We see our local gyno to have an HSG and find out what we've feared...My remaining tube is completely blocked. I cried in my doctors arms...horrible news.
March 2014- We are referred to our RE (specialist) by my family member who happens to work with him. We meet Dr. Loret De Mola at SIU school of medicine, we finally feel like we're making progress. Laparoscopy and hysteroscopy are scheduled to get the full visual on my lady parts. Surgery is performed and I have remaining tube removed. There was fluid found in the remaining tube that will essentially be toxic to an embryo. Our only option to obtain pregnancy is IVF.
August 2014- We begin our first IVF cycle. Cycle is then cancelled due to cysts. Moved to September.
September 2014- We go through an uneventful first IVF cycle. Time consuming. Emotionally draining. I've never worried so much in my life.
October 2014- After the dreaded tww...we find out, we are pregnant!!! With twins!!! What a miracle, first time success and twins! Happiest we had felt in a long time. Early in our pregnancy we find out I have a subchorionic hemorrhage...we worry about the pregnancy and are assured by our specialist that the babies are fine.
December 2014- We find out we are having a boy and a girl!! I look at that moment in our lives as feeling like things were "complete"...I screamed on the way home from our ultrasound. My dreams had finally come true. Pure joy. We imagine our adorable babies, fight over names. We were in love already.
January 2015- I'm feeling great in my pregnancy. Active, busy, past my sick moments. I plan my registry, start organizing baby clothes, etc.
I am completely blindsided when I start bleeding at work on a random Wednesday. I go to our local ER, have a sono and I'm told immediately not to move. The next thing I know they are on the phone with our high risk doctor planning a life flight to a different hospital. Baby A, our sweet daughter, Lucy's water bag is protruding through my cervix.
I find out that I have an "incompetent cervix"...a cervix that essentially can dilate with no contractions, no pain, no warning. There is no definite cause. Prior births can cause your cervix to be altered, IVF can cause change in it...but they really don't have an answer as to why. Most women find out they have one by losing a child in the second trimester. I'm told to hope for the best and accept that the worst may happen.
A day or two later, while in the hospital on bed rest, I become incredibly ill as a result of the drugs they have me on via IV. I throw up and an incredible amount of liquid pours from me. My water broke. I am 20 weeks pregnant.
January 19th, 2015- I am up early in the morning and having intense contractions. I'm told to watch them but advised that if my labor progresses the baby will have no chance of survival. Contractions stop and I feel false hope. There was a lot of false hope throughout this time. I didn't want to believe the risks she was already facing having no amniotic fluid, I didn't want to believe after getting this far we would go home without babies. Later in the morning, I have an immense amount of pressure that will not subside. I alert the doctor and they discover Lucy is crowning. I'm rushed to labor and delivery to deliver our baby girl. She was born alive and lived for hours, she was so perfect. She had her older brother's nose, my feet, her daddy's ears. She was just flawless. Born too soon to survive outside the womb. As soon as she was born they laid her on my chest, she grasped onto my finger with her tiny hand almost as if to say, I know you, Mommy. That was the most heartbreaking thing I had ever experienced. I knew my baby was perfect and healthy, my body had failed us.
From that point it was truly a game of wait and see. Labor had stopped. Our hope was that Liam could survive. My cervix was cooperating, it closed, lengthened and I can remember thinking we'd at the least be bringing our little boy home. He held on until February 1st.
February 1st, 2015- I was allowed bathroom privileges in my hospital bed rest at this point. The night before my husband and son spent the night as it was a Saturday...I got up around 4 a.m. to use the bathroom and felt a massive amount of liquid rush from me. I fumbled for the light and was horrified to see blood...everywhere. The next thing I knew, I was being rushed to labor and delivery. We knew what to expect. I didn't know if I could physically and emotionally do this again. My body had become infected from maintaining Lucy's placenta and I had begun laboring my sweet boy. They had to induce me as my body was increasingly weakening with infection. Labor was painful and due to having such low blood pressure, they refused to do any sort of epidural to manage it. I felt the pain a mother feels with no reward of a crying baby. My son was quiet at birth, living, but "sleeping"...he was beautiful. He looked exactly like my older son. Same nose, lips, profile. My beautiful boy passed in his daddy's arms shortly after birth.
Where we are now (as of February 12th, 2015)- We have follow up with our high risk doctor next week followed by an appointment with our IVF doctor the following day. We are devastated and sad but we're not giving up. We were educated on prevention for future pregnancies with an incompetent cervix and feel like this is not where our story ends. Our first angel and our twins will always be our babies, they're so alive in my heart its unreal...but we will continue on our journey and our mission to bring home our "rainbow baby".
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